Monthly Archive

Nov. 21, 2006

For many, Thanksgiving is the gateway to the most important time of the year: the “season” between Thanksgiving and New Years. This season includes major religious holidays. Mine is Christmas, but most major religions also have holidays during this time.

Traditionally, it is a time of harvest. It is a time to admire our work and to be grateful what we have. It is a time for soul-searching, to take stock of the good and the not-so-good about ourselves and make a commitment to do better. It is a time of reconnection with friends and family, and it is time when we are reminded of lost or damaged relationships.

This time of year often produces the most important and personal stories of our lives. Many are joyous and peaceful. Others are painful because of loss and disappointment. If I could measure it, I would guess this time of year produces the most laughter and most tears of any other time in our lives combined.

The time is so important that many of the people we serve who are in the process of dying will hang onto life until they see their families one more time. Then, they can let go.

That’s one of the reasons this time is so emotionally powerful. It is it the season of enduring values and of the joyful, yet final, things in our lives. For those who lost loved ones earlier in the year, this is the first holiday without them. There is the laughing and crying, the delight of children and the sadness over passing of people and time.

The seasons of life. Ecclesiastes says that’s the way life is made, as a time for everything under the sun. So, what is this season between Thanksgiving and the New Year? It is known as the season of peace. Yes, peace. Seems a bit ironic, doesn’t it? After all, there is usually a war somewhere in the world. There is open conflict in many families about something. Life is far too busy. There is too much anxiety. Yet, we find peace. How does this happen? What is the secret of finding peace this time of year?

The secret is the liberal use of the most important words in the world:

I love you.

I am sorry.

Thank you.

Never let the season of peace go by without telling the important people in your life that you love them. Make it a part of every conversation. There’s nothing worse than wondering after someone dies, “Did they know I loved them? Did they love me?”

Nothing beats forgiveness as a balm for most all that ails us. Forgive others for their imperfections (which you can’t change anyway) and their injustices to you (which you can’t undo). More important, ask forgiveness from those you have hurt and from your maker — they probably still love you anyway. You and I need to say it and hear it. “I am sorry” cleanses the soul of the hardened and destructive wounds and scars. Nothing is worse than regrets. Nothing is more healing than saying I am sorry.

The most universally constructive currency of affirmation in relationships is “thank you!” A grateful attitude, a grateful heart are the most sublime expressions of the fact that we need others to acknowledge us, help us and rescue us from isolation and affirm that we are important creatures in a complex world where the quiet needs and aspirations of the individual can get lost.

Nothing is more peaceful than coming through this season knowing that there is hope in any of life’s difficulties because we love somebody, we are sorry for our failing and that we are truly grateful to others who make our lives worthwhile.

But you already know everything about what I’ve said, you see it everyday in your organizations.

Peace.

Larry

William L. Minnix, Jr., D.Min.
President and CEO

AAHSA
2519 Connecticut Ave NW
Washington DC 20008

Nov. 14, 2006

As you know, I had the distinct honor of interviewing Walter Cronkite at our Annual Meeting & Exposition. A wonderful man. He made me feel like we’ve been friends for years. I marveled at his deep, soothing voice, compelling eyes and authoritative eyebrows. And what a chuckle. It is how I might imagine God would chuckle.

Who is this man Walter Cronkite and how did he earn the “most trusted man in America” designation for more than two generations? The ingredients are no doubt journalistic talents, an engaging personality, the right mix of humility and self confidence, a strong work ethic, a lucky break here and there, integrity and a certain wisdom that comes from experience and mystical realms.

You and I know people — residents, clients, relatives, friends old and young — who were born wise. I call it the “Wisdom of the Ages.” Yes, Walter Cronkite possesses the Wisdom of the Ages. He could have been a commentator in the era of Socrates, or during the Renaissance, an advisor to Washington or Lincoln.

People with Wisdom of the Ages help us find meaning in life, rediscover or clarify enduring values and put things in perspective. They redefine paradigms we live in. They ground us in truth and reality, yet compel us to grow beyond where we are. Some of those “Wisdom of the Ages” people live and work in our facilities, though they aren’t famous like Walter Cronkite.

For me, Walter Cronkite helped redefine the aging paradigm. I asked him two questions outside the bounds of what is traditionally asked of him.

• Does he think of himself as retired?
• Does he think of himself as old?

His responses: No, he doesn’t even use the “R” word. He complained that he isn’t busy enough. He wishes CBS would use him for political commentary but he stays engaged in the media through other outlets. He thinks of himself as a journalist, and he voluntarily commented on the Iraq war, as he once did on the Vietnam War.

Fully immersed in the issues of today — and tomorrow. Not just yesterday. Though his hearing is impaired and his gait more cautious, he is clearly a man living to the fullest. No retirement, only adjustments to how he’s engaged.

His response to thinking of himself as “old” at 90? “It depends on what I’m trying to do at the time,” he chuckled.

His messages to me are that retirement is becoming an antiquated term and chronology is irrelevant. To be replaced by vitality of spirit, ability to stay engaged and refocus of interests.

We should consider a replacement term for “retirement.” Instead, let’s say we will all enter the “Walterian” era of life, where engagement is adjusted for time, interests and capabilities — God willing.

The Old Testament story of Abraham and Sarah are part of the Wisdom of the Ages reflected through Walter Cronkite. God asked Abraham and Sarah (I’m taking liberties with the original text) if they’d be willing to be the father and mother of many nations at an advanced age. Sarah laughed and said they were too old. God responded that he didn’t ask them how old they were, he asked them if they’d do something really important. Put that way, they agreed. As I recall, the “retirement” word isn’t used in the scriptures.

AAHSA’s recent scenario planning study about the future envisions that people like Walter Cronkite are the new archetypes of aging role models. Personally, I hope I live long enough so that when someone asks me how old I am, I can respond, “I am not only old enough for the AARP discount, but I am in the Walterian era of life…I forget exactly how many years that is. Why? Is age important? Do you have something important for me to do?”

“And that’s the way it is,” to quote Walter Cronkite.

Walter Cronkite’s job at 90 is to be the distributor of Wisdom for the Ages. That’s a really good job for any of us in that era of life… Ask some of your residents and clients to share the Wisdom of the Ages with you. You might be surprised how it changes your perspective.

LarryWilliam L. Minnix, Jr., D.Min.
President and CEO

AAHSA
2519 Connecticut Ave NW
Washington DC 20008

Nov. 8, 2006

All week long at our Annual Meeting & Exposition, we’ve focused on stories. Hearing them, collecting them and telling them to convey the value of our work for older adults. During our time together in San Francisco, I’ve heard stories of teamwork. Stories of innovation. Stories of leadership. Stories of transformation. Not just in our field, but in our society.

Stories of people like Todd Murch of Eskaton and Eric Dishman of Intel working together to test potential products to make life better for many. Stories of people like Jackie Harris of Trinity Continuing Care Services, who envisions her job as creating “sanctuaries,” places of well-being that nourish body, mind and spirit and honor the sacredness of soul. Stories of people like Norma Lesher from the Glenburn Home in Indiana, which joined a county-wide coalition to reduce stroke, diabetes and obesity. Stories of people like Kathy Bakkenist and David Gehm, who’ve led the way to introduce federal legislation that will accelerate technology to our field and reform the survey and certification process.

But the most important story of all is the one you have yet to tell. Whether you were with us in San Francisco or not, our most sacred responsibility is to tell the stories of the people we serve. It’s what we know how to do better than anybody else. We must share the stories of the passage and continuities of life. We must make them come alive for our policy makers, in our communities, with our staff and in the media. Because ultimately, these stories evoke the people that we are.

Take Jay Leno. He does more than tell jokes. He tells stories. And they delight us. And our stories also delighted him. As I walked in to the auditorium to meet Jay, Sister Mary Assumpta from the Jennings Center for Older Adults gave me a dozen “Nun Better” cookies to give to him as a thank you for his visit. A simple gift, but a memorable one.

The next day, Sister Mary Assumpta received a call on her cell phone from Jay thanking her for the cookies and the work she does for Cleveland’s elders. One person’s story sparks another person’s interest in our work. That’s what we need to do every day.

My greatest story from this week is about meeting Walter Cronkite. Though, it is not his recollections as the most trusted man in America that I will relay. It is his sense of humor and ability to laugh at himself that I will remember. When I tell stories about Walter, I’ll tell of a 90-year-old icon of a man who defies the stereotypes of aging. He refuses to use the “retirement” word. He complained to me that he’d like to be busier.

Each of us knows someone like Walter. Someone whose wisdom inspires us, and whose actions motivate us to transform the way we serve. Someone who refuses to accept the status quo and challenges us to be our best.

These are the stories we must share. Stories of wisdom, achievement, innovation, values and FUN. These are the stories of the power of community. These are the stories that will help us create the Future of Aging Services.

Larry

William L. Minnix, Jr., D.Min.
President and CEO

Share your story with us.
See photos from AAHSA’s Annual Meeting & Exposition.

AAHSA
2519 Connecticut Ave NW
Washington DC 20008